Just Give me a Reason...This song moves me

     I cannot really think as of this moment about this paper that I am reading…. My mind was cluttered by the words which I cannot comprehend and fathom with…so, after hours of staring in my computer, and after blinking hundred times, I decided to shut it down. Good thing that I have my journal with me, so I get my pen and write something and anything that goes my head.

     I was moved by a song titled Just Give me a Reason by Pink…the beat and the lyrics budge me undeniably. It is indeed true…Some of us may think “we are broken” after we lost someone we dearly love like losing our parents, our first love and so on…or anything that may hurt us. These are the times when we think regrets is our fallback and the "what if" notions is our excuse. Listening to this songs makes me feel a bit of guilty and upset…mixed emotions I should say but somehow it is relieving…yes relieving that I was able to bring out my sentiments.

     Pink is right, I realized that I am not “broken” (torn to pieces either?), I’m just bent…yeah bent down …down to my knees for me to slow down a bit and learned what I missed in life. Sometimes learning begets hurting and vice-versa, God has way to show his love and guidance to us even if we need to learn the hardest way. Learning the hardest way is the most painful lesson a person may received but it is the most effective way to gain knowledge and wisdom so to speak. The way we can measure and test a person’s acumen and robustness are the numbers on how many trials/challenges that he/she surpasses. The strongest person to survive is the most experienced ones. People who undergone this kind of test are transform thru their words and actions…the way they perceived life and the way they value life. I considered myself as one of those people who was changed by tribulations and challenges. The pain…the losses and destitution I encountered are my sole mentor. Despite the big volumes that I shed for the past years, this won’t forbid me to pursue my dreams and my will to help and inspire others. The “light” that I created inside me throughout the years of solitude will never die…. Instead, it will rekindle the flames inside to create a bigger light. 

     Somehow I feel so emotional...I can’t help myself but to think of my parents, specially my mom, whom I recently lost. I just want to expressed my thoughts thru this blog how much I love her.  I will be forever grateful for the years that I have shared with her and with my dad of course… Though sometimes I failed her, and sometimes break her heart, I know deep in my heart that she never stops loving and understanding me and never turn her back against me. The love from a mother is immeasurable, infinite and overflowing.

     What I really regret is that I kept myself busy and make my decisions always  in a rush and regretting in the end because of what I “MISSED” in my life. I am preoccupied and too busy at work, sometimes I compete with "TIME" so now, I regret those moments... I can still remember the movie “click”...the philosophical viewpoint of the movie really fits me…where you can fast forward the events  in our lives and in the end, you end up regretting and desperately wanting to rewind our past so that we can fill in or catch up what we missed. For me, 29 years is not enough to suffice the love and care that my mom has given to me unconditionally. I don’t know what keeps me being sentimental this past few months; maybe I just missed my mom and dad….the feeling of being alone…. The feeling of having no one to talk to when you are all alone in your room…God knows how I am deeply saddened by those moments, but having thought that life here on earth is just temporary consoles my heart for it means that these pains and this “void” feelings will ultimately be filled in…. In due time…IN HIS TIME rather…. But as for now, I have to move on with my life…continue with the people that I still have to love and cling with and make sure that I will never let myself again in a hurry so that I will not “missed” the times that I still have…

     Though sometimes, I really feel the feeling of "being broken or shattered" however, the songs inspire me and keeps me reminded, that I am not BROKEN, I am just BENT, (to slow down) so I can learn to Love Again and move ahead....

as I sing some part of the song once more...

Just give me reason just a little bits enough, 
Just a second were not broken, just bent 
so we can learn to love again...

I never stopped, You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent so we can learn to love again...